Marriage – Danger Signs

Honey, Is Anything Wrong?

The bedroom door slams, and Fred hears his wife stomping down the stairs. He is glued to the television. As he watches the Miami Dolphins huddle, he quickly opens the door, and his ears pick up the clamor of pots and pans coming from the kitchen.

They pick up a first down—but there is a flag on the play.

“Drats!” he thinks.

Fred takes a gulp of his drink and grabs for a pretzel as he shouts, “Susie, go down to the kitchen and ask your mother if anything is wrong.”

The Dolphins call time-out with thirty seconds left on the clock—score tied. The quarterback trots over to the sideline.

Susie drags her Miss Beasley doll down the stairs. The horn-rimmed glasses drop off of the doll’s face onto the bottom step. As the kitchen door flings open, Susie says to her mother, “Daddy wants to know if anything’s wrong.”

“That’s typical, that’s just typical!” exclaims the mother, with a high pitch in her voice as she plops disgustedly down in a kitchen chair.

Susie scrambles back up the stairs, and as she drags her doll past the bedroom door, her dad cries out, “Susie? Well, what did she say?”

“She’s tickled, just tickled to death,” answers Susie, as she looks at the fleeting puzzled expression on her father’s face before he turns back to the TV set.

“The right end catches the quarterback bomb and streaks down the sideline,” yells the announcer, as the superstar stumbles over for the touchdown.

Somehow dad hears the cry of his infant son in the other room above the tumultuous noise of the television. He thinks, “Why in the devil doesn’t that baby’s mother do something?” And he reaches for another pretzel.

——————■——————

A friend of mine came home from his office to find his wife quietly packing her suitcases.

“Honey, is anything wrong?” he asked.

“I’m leaving you, Harry,” she replied. “I’ve taken all I can take. I don’t want to discuss it, so just leave me alone.”

Harry couldn’t believe what was happening. They had been married for five years and had what he thought was a wonderful marriage. His wife had seldom complained, and most of the time she was the devoted little wife he wanted her to be.^[1]

Danger Signals

There are many clues that couples give when they are having homemade troubles. When the signs of domestic discord point to rocky roads and crowded thoroughfares, we ministers know there is a collision coming. However, most men and many women are unaware of the danger signs, or they ignore them, not believing that they are on a collision course.

Here are some of the clues to watch for:

(1)        When a member of the family builds the other up, but with an undercurrent of bitterness.

(2)        A couple that uses a public situation to cut each other down.

(3)        A husband who uses his wife as the butt of his jokes.

(4)        Couples who say they have no problems and have never had a fight.

(5)        A husband who calls his wife ugly names.

(6)        When the husband begins to make excuses for being away from home or simply stays away without an excuse. This is true of the wife, also, even if she is involved in worthwhile activities.

(7)        When the husband shows very little attention to his wife; when he does not show her common courtesy or tenderness.

(8)        When a husband seldom helps with any upkeep of the home.

(9)        When there is constant bickering and nagging and picking going on between a couple.

(10)      When the husband and wife both work, and he goes his way and she goes her way.

(11)      Couples that cannot discuss differences without getting into a heated argument or fight.

(12)      When the couple decides to have separate bedrooms, and when a couple has little or no physical contact.

(13)      When the in-laws are allowed to set policy or make decisions for a man and his family.

(14)      When the husband pushes off on his wife the responsibility of making the decisions or even lets her have it because she wants it.

(15)      When the children are not well-behaved and mannerly.

(16)      When you feel resentment and rebellion on the part of the teenagers toward their parents.

(17)      When a couple moves into a neighborhood beyond their income or seems to place more emphasis upon social acceptance and material things than upon spiritual needs of love and humility and worship.

(18)      When a couple spends all their time in every activity that comes along—including church—yet never takes time to be with each other.^[2]

Wrong Reasons to get married:

There are a lot of reasons that men get married, and many of those reasons are wrong reasons. If a young man is not aware that God has for him the right one—the right mate—he will get married outside of God’s plan and will have to suffer the consequences of it. Let me enumerate a few of those reasons:

You may get married for “security reasons.”You may want a mother—you may want to be loved and babied. You may want someone to make decisions for you and to care for you.

You may get married out of pure selfishness.You may want a slave—a live-in maid—someone to do all of your housekeeping, pick up your clothes, cook for you—that sort of thing.

You may get married because you want a beauty queenyou can show off, take around and display like you would your new car. This is an extension of self-love. This beauty queen is a reflection on a man and his ego.

You may get married out of lust, to satisfy your sex drive. You may even get married because you feel guilty and because you’ve had premarital sex. You feel guilty and trapped and feel you have to get married.

I talked with a young man, married for five years, who said he got married because he and his wife had had premarital sex. She thought she was pregnant, told her parents, and he felt pressured into marrying her. In the meantime, he was unhappy and had committed adultery with another womarn and was now in serious trouble with his emotions and inability to cope. I talked with the wife and she was a bundle of nerves, full of guilt, and terribly insecure for fear her husband did not love her. Because marriage is based on purity, this marriage will continue to be in trouble or end in divorce, unless both parties confess before God their sin and re-estab-lish the relationship on honesty and purity. “And the man and his wife were both naked, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25).

You may get married out of pride.You may get married because all of your buddies are getting married, and you don’t want anyone to think you are one of those “funny boys.”

You may get married out of rebellion.You’ve had a girl friend—you’ve been sweet on each other. She rejects you, and you say, “I’ll show her.” And you go out and marry the first girl that says yes. That shows your old girl that nobody rejects you. Sad to say, this often happens.

When I was in college, I had a friend who was in love with a very sweet young thing back in his hometown. He received word from her that she was going to marry another man. This was such a shock to him that out of rebellion, he asked a girl he had dated a few times to marry him, and she said yes. Naturally, the marriage fell apart after a few months. The girl realized her mistake, went back home, and they were divorced—all because the marriage was based on a false premise.

You may get married out of fear.You may be afraid of being alone or afraid of criticism or ridicule, or of not being loved or of what people think. You may even be afraid of your own feelings.

You may get married out of self-pity.Poor me, nobody cares for me, so I’m just going to get married. You’re really in trouble!

A lot of marriages are in a lot of trouble because they were established for wrong reasons.^[3]

There is a right reason for men to get married and that’s love, but you may get married for the right reason, but the wrong attitude. In other words, you might be in trouble because you have not been taught the divine order and the purpose and meaning of wedlock.

Even if you marry in love and believe that God was a part of your coming together, you may be asking, after several years of marriage, “God, why did You give me this one? Out of all the world, why did You give me this one?” That displays the wrong attitude.

You have not fully understood that marriage is a union. It is a coming together of two opposites. You keep saying, “My wife isn’t like me.” Of course, she isn’t like you. God never intended her to be. She is a helper, complementary to you. Someone who would take up the slack where you lack. Your wife doesn’t compete with you—she complements you. You say, “I could have married any girl I wanted.” Did, you realize that God picked out the girl you now have, so that she could mature you?

So we read in God’s Word, and we establish now what we are supposed to be seeing here.

For since a man and his wife are now one, a man is really doing himself a favor and loving himself when he loves his wife (Ephesians 5:28 TLB)

The above excerpts taken from the following book and for more information secure the book:

Do Yourself A Favor: Love Your Wife

by H. Page Williams^[4]

Bridge-Logos Publishers

Gainesville, FL 32614

Book can be purchased from Amazon. Com – $13.95

http://www.amazon.com/Do-Yourself-Favor-Love-Your/dp/0882702041

OR try:   Half.com for used book…

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