Independence – Public Ridicule

Seventy-seven Irrefutable Truths of Marriage
 a book written by  Keefauver, L. and Keefauver, J. (2002)

(a book review)

Following are three of excerpts from the book.  1) Praying together often!   –  2) Never do public exposing or ridicule of your spouse!   3) What level of ‘independence’ is acceptable?

Public exposing your spouse or ridicule of your spouse is destructive to your marriage.

Take these steps to avoid exposing and demeaning your spouse in public:

§  Never tell jokes with your spouse as the punch line.

§  Get permission from your spouse to tell any personal stories.

§  Decide always to honor and praise your mate in public.

§  Make remarks about your mate that show how you cherish and care for him or her.

§  Refuse to listen to others who degrade their mates.

§  Refuse to tell off-color or ethnically disparaging jokes about anyone, including your mate.

§  Treat your mate in public the way you want to be treated.

§  Try this: Ask your spouse to tell you honestly what you do or say in public that embarrasses him. Then stop doing or saying that.

A wholesome tongue is a tree of life.

Pray Together Often –

Too often we only pray together when there’s a crisis or deep need. We wait until we can go no further without God, and then we throw ourselves onto His mercy, hoping for relief from our dilemma instead of restoration to Him in relationship.

We want our problems solved by Him more than we desire His presence and guiding Spirit in our lives.

Praying together often keeps us close to one another and to God. Spiritual intimacy in marriage requires that we come together with God to really be “one flesh.”

This meeting with God in prayer invites both His presence and His transforming power into our lives. So when we pray together often we find our marriage being constantly changed in His presence.

So what hinders us from praying together often? We become so distracted by what we see that we fail to seek the invisible. We become so involved in ourselves that we abandon others, including our mates and God. We become so busy doing things that we miss out on becoming like Christ.

Try this: Decide that you will pray together often each day. Let prayer come as dialogue with God and each other in the flow of everything you do. Pray together as you drive, eat, discuss and go through your day.

They all joined together constantly in prayer.…

Acts 1:14 NIV

Be Interdependent, not Independent or Dependent

“Idon’t know what I will do if Bill dies,” grieved the distraught wife at the bedside of her terminally ill husband. Dying of cancer in his 50s, his wife had become so dependent on him that she couldn’t imagine living without him.

God calls us to become one in marriage, but He doesn’t call us to loose our identity in our spouse. We are crucified with Christ, not to our mate’s identity. The dependent or co-dependent spouse looks solely to her mate for direction and identity in life. One of Albert Ellis’ irrational beliefs is, “I must depend on something or someone stronger than myself.” Of course, we depend on God. But, we don’t stake our existence on another person or thing.

Likewise, the opposite extreme of dependency can be dangerous. If we feel so independent from our spouse, then we live parallel but separate lives that lack intimacy and fulfillment of oneness or covenant in marriage. God’s ideal of oneness is that we each have our own identity in Christ Jesus, but we also share an interdependence in our Christ-centered oneness. We need each other, not to live, but to serve Christ and each other with our best. Try this: Share with your mate all the wonderful ways you need him or her. Or share all the awesome ways Christ’s oneness shines through your marriage.

Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one,
for the results can be much better.
If one falls, the other pulls him up;
but if a man falls when he is alone, he’s in trouble.

Eccl. 4:9–10 TLB

Read the titles of the content in the book.  As you read the list ask yourself where you stand on these issues?

  1  Give the Language of Love Your Spouse Receives

  2  Recharge Your Mate’s Emotional Bank with Affirmation Each Morning

  3  Be Grateful

  4  Be Kind to Your Mate

  5  Believe the Best about Your Mate

  6  Bless and Prosper Each Other

  7  Build on Each Other’s Strengths

  8  Don’t Let One Bad Day Ruin a Good Week

  9  Don’t Compare Your Marriage to Others; Compare It Only to God’s Truth

10  Dress to Show You Care for Your Mate

11  Enjoy Physical Intimacy

12  Guard Your Tongue and Speak Life

13  Keep Passion Alive

14  Laugh With One Another

15  Give Love; Earn Trust

16  Love Unconditionally

17  Never Publicly Expose or Ridicule Your Mate

18  Never Take Your Mate for Granted

19  Only Do What the Father Tells You to Do

20  Prize Your Mate’s Gifts and Talents

21  Go to Sleep Reconciled

22  Face the Problem Now

23  Pray; God Doesn’t Need Your Help; He Wants Your Prayers

24  Spend Positive Time Together Daily

25  Never Defend Yourself

26  Parent in Agreement

27  Winning Loses: If One Wins the Argument, Both Lose

28  Write Down God’s Vision for Your Marriage

29  Keep Your Marriage Vow; You’re In a Covenant, Not a Contract

30  Enjoy Serendipities

31  Enjoy the Journey

32  Always Expect God to Be Doing Something New in Your Marriage

33  Leave an Inheritance for Your Children

34  Measure Growth by Fruit, Not Just Stuff

35  Purpose to Be Married for Life

36  Release Your Mate to Be All God Created Her to Be

37  Say, “How May I Serve You?”

38  Stay On-Purpose

39  Know That Your Past Doesn’t Determine Your Future

40  Be Teachable

41  Face the Problem Now; Time Numbs, But Can Never Heal

42  Learn Each Other’s Nonverbal Language

43  Listen Before You Speak

44  Refuse to Dump on Your Spouse

45  Understand Before You Try to Fix It

46  Be Presence-Driven

47  Break Past Curses

48  God Changes; You Encourage

49  Make Marriage a Three-Fold Cord—the Two of You and God

50  Praise God as Your Source

51  Pray for Your Spouse

52  Pray Together to Hear from God

53  Pray Together Often

54  Sow Blessing into Other Marriages

55  Thank God For the Gift of Your Mate’s Personality

56  Get Over It

57  Say “I was Wrong” When You are Wrong

58  Confess Quickly; Repent Thoroughly and Sincerely

59  Forgive; It’s Marriage’s Balm for Healing Hurts

60  Pray Scripture with Each Other

61  Refuse Offense

62  Give Your Spouse Undivided Attention

63  Be a Burden Bearer, Not a Burden

64  Guard Your Heart and Your Senses

65  Husband, Go First to Battle for and Protect Your Wife

66  Serve and Worship God Together

67  Find Ways to Give Generously to Each Other

68  Talk About Jesus

69  Ask for Your Needs

70  Be Interdependent, Not Independent or Dependent

71  Be Morally Accountable to One Another

72  Share Financial Responsibility and Spending

73  Never Own Anything

74  Set Right Priorities: God First, Marriage and Family and Then the Rest

75  Share Transparently to Eliminate the Need for Excuses

76  Get Out of Debt; Get the Debt Out of You

77  Encourage One Another

Seventy-seven Irrefutable Truths of Marriage
 a book written by  Keefauver, L. and Keefauver, J. (2002)