Clues of Danger

There are danger signs for us in a marriage!  Will we look for them?  What to look for:

Here are some of the clues to watch for:

1.      A couple that uses a public situation to cut each other down.

2.      A husband who uses his wife as the butt of his jokes.

3.      A husband who calls his wife ugly names.

4.      When the husband begins to make excuses for being away from home or simply stays away without an excuse. This is true of the wife, also, even if she is involved in worthwhile activities.

5.      When the husband shows very little attention to his wife; when he does not show her common courtesy or tenderness.

6.      When a husband seldom helps with any upkeep of the home.

7.      When there is constant bickering and nagging and picking going on between a couple.

8.      Couples that cannot discuss differences without getting into a heated argument or fight.

9.      When the couple decides to have separate bedrooms, and when a couple has little or no physical contact.

10.  When a couple spends all their time in every activity that comes along—including church—yet never takes time to be with each other.

Part list taken from “Williams, H. P. (1973). Do yourself a favor: Love your wife” : 

Do you find yourself doing any of the above?  If you do, then take note that it is frequently an indication that something is going on inside you.  It is a sign that you may not be aware of an ‘unresolved’ issue and your actions are occurring because of it.  Since, things occur out of ‘self’ we need to examine ‘self’ first.  We tend to cast ‘blame’ and then look to resolve.  It is easy to blame our spouse for our reaction.  However, frequently we are rebelling or refusing to make an ‘adjustment’ or ‘change’ within our view point.  It is easy to see the world through our eyes, but can we view it from another’s perspective without discussing it with them? 

If you are not dealing with a situation within yourself.  Here are a couple simple things you may do – Yet, will continue to discuss more ideas in other articles on this site.

1.       Pray for God to help reveal the true inner source of your contentiousness.

2.       After praying, see if you can discuss this with your wife (spouse) in an open fashion.  If you can’t do so without resentment or anger, than wait and keep praying.

3.       Attend worship service regularly.  When you are getting ready to attend pray that God will show you His way in dealing with these things. 

a.       When we’re in God’s house, we are in a position for God to speak to us.  His Holy Spirit will direct the words of the speaker to your heart and unique to you.

b.      Read and study God’s Word daily as He speaks to us at these quiet times with Him.

4.       Add your own here:

Take a note book and journal your conflicts or confusion.  When things don’t seem to align themselves it might help to ‘journalize’ what you’re thinking.  Ask self-questions such as:  “What do I consider to be the problem?”   “Where do I see that the that my spouse (write her name) needs to change?”  If she changes that will cause me to be…  do…. Become….  View……?  Why do I feel she needs to change?  Where do I lend justification to myself?  What scriptural base would I stand on?  Will I use scriptures as a ‘whip’ or a ‘healing’? 

After that series of questions one might start with a different approach to asking self the follow suggested questions.   What could I do to mitigate the situation?  Why am I thinking it is the other’s fault?  Where might pride fit into this?    

The next set can be real ‘open’ questions such as:  If all things were within my control what would I change?  What would I like to see happen?   I’d be happy when such-and-such occurred?  I’d be happy IF….

James 5:16 (ESV) Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Ephesians 6:18 (ESV) –  praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,